To Have Loved
by Marissa-Xtreme SelDem Fan
Summary: Lucas is leaving for Charleston, but he has one reason left to stay... but is it too late? Laley one shot. I suck at summaries so please read and review!


**Author's Note: **Hey guys! Remember back when I wrote When Everything Come Crumbling Down and I said I was trying my hand at not-so-loving stories? Well, here's another one. I have been trying to write this one for a little over a month, but couldn't think of the right scene to put them in until now. The scene came to me while I was grounded from the computer for the weekend, which is why I didn't update In the Presence of an Angel like I had promised. Also due to this grounding, I wrote another songfic. So despite being off the computer, I got two short stories from it. I don't really think this is all that good because this was supposed to be a little angsty, but I didn't feel that angsty when I wrote it so it may not seem as good. Anyways, please read and review!

P.S. – This takes place during the season finale, kind of a rewrite.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. One Tree Hill and its characters are property of the WB.

**Rating: **PG or PG-13

**To Have Loved**

**Lucas' POV**

I jogged up the front steps of my best friend's house, who I had known for nearly fourteen years, and knocked on her door. Tomorrow I would be moving to Charleston with Keith, but not before talking to Haley. She was my last resort, my last reason to stay in Tree Hill. I had to tell her how I truly felt; even after the fact that she was dating Nathan and that I might be opening a can of worms bigger than I could ever imagine.

Haley opened the door a few minutes later and I greeted her with a smile, "Hey stranger." Her smile faded into a frown as she lowered her head to stare at the ground and shoved her hands in her pockets. I could see a few tears roll down her cheeks and I gently grabbed her chin then wiped them away with my thumbs. "You didn't say it," I replied softly. She hadn't said the accompanying phrase of, "No stranger than you," that always followed after the greeting. "I just realized that you're a stranger to me, I mean, at least you will be. You'll move to Charleston and we won't see each other every day, we won't be able to do all those fun things together as often. You'll start school and make new friends and then-and then I won't be your best friend anymore!" Haley sobbed as her body trembled with emotion, threatening to collapse.

I wrapped my arms around her small frame and held her as she cried. "Haley, that will never happen, you will always, ALWAYS be my best friend. I will call you every day so we can talk and I'll try to come down on weekends to visit. I wouldn't try to diminish the strength of our friendship like that, Hales, you mean too much to me." I gave her a light squeeze to emphasize my point. "But what if it's not enough," she asked pleadingly, looking into my eyes. I could tell she was scared, more than I ever thought she would be. "It will be, I promise," I replied, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. I knew I was treading on thin ice here with what I had said, but I couldn't help it. A wise person once said, "Don't make promises you can't keep." Oh yeah, it was Haley who told me that. "Don't promise..." she sniffled, now a little bit calmer than before, "everything can change in an instant..." Boy, do I know it. There was a time when I had strictly platonic feelings for Haley then... BAM! I realized my feelings for her went deeper than friendship.

"Haley, you know I'll always be there for you whenever you need me, right?" She nodded against my chest and I could feel the warmth spread through me with her body so close to mine. I slowly pulled away from her and took her hand, "Come on, let's take a walk." Haley nodded again silently as we began to stroll the familiar streets of our hometown. I led her to a bench under a tall, hovering oak that overlooked the river; it was our bench. We had claimed it as ours when we were eight years old and our mothers had brought us to the park to play.

We sat down on the bench and stared silently at the river for a few minutes, content with being in each other's presence. During this time, I tried to find the right words to tell her how I felt, but it all came out too complicated in my mind so I decided to say it in the simplest way I could think of. "I love you, Haley." She turned to look at me and responded with fresh tears falling down her face, "I love you too, Luke. You're my best friend and I'm going to miss you so much..." "No Haley, you don't understand..." I interrupted, and then it finally dawned on her of what I was talking about, or rather, the context I was speaking in. Before she could get a word in, I softly pressed my lips to hers for the first time, excluding the night of the Boy Toy Auction. To my disappointment, Haley abruptly pulled away. "Luke, we can't do this. I-I'm sorry, but I don't like you... that way. I mean, you're like my big brother and I-" I raised my hand to stop her rambling and she obeyed, "I get it. Sorry I kissed you..." I hung my head and stared at my hands, not wanting to meet her eyes.

She responded softly, "Luke, there's something I haven't told you and um... I don't know how to tell you this..." "What," I asked, fear and nausea settling inside. What was it that she wanted to tell me? I hoped with a desperate passion that Haley had not had sex with Nathan, or even worse, gotten pregnant. I felt sick at the thought of him 'deflowering' Haley, my sweet, innocent little Haley. "Um... Nathan and I..." Haley started. Oh my god, here it comes, she had sex with Nathan! Haley began again, "Um we-we got married last night." She slowly pulled her left hand from her pocket and I saw the simple gold wedding band on her ring finger. If it was possible to sink my head between my legs any further, I would have done it at that moment. I struggled to keep the tears welling in my eyes from falling and tried to keep my body from shaking at the shock I felt. Several minutes passed with utter silence until Haley spoke quietly, "Luke, please say something." I couldn't handle being around her right then, right after saying that she, the love of my life, had run off and married my brother. "Go," I said quietly, in almost a whisper, while trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible. "Luke," she protested pleadingly, begging me to understand reasons that she didn't disclose. "Please, just go," I replied back, a part of my resolve breaking and I'm sure she heard the crack in my voice. She sat there for a moment, just staring at me before she gently hugged me. I stiffened up like a board at her touch and didn't move my arms to wrap around her body like I had wished to just minutes before her confession. She ended the hug and stood then started to walk away, looking back at me once before continuing on.

I could feel my heart burst in my chest into a million tiny pieces so small that if it had been birdseed, birds from miles around would be swooping in for the kill. I finally let loose the choked sobs burning in my throat. She had been my last resort, my last reason to stay, and now she was gone. I was too late; I had waited too long to tell her and now she was married, to my brother. I screamed a hoarse, mournful cry to the skies, grieving for the loss of my one true love, my soul mate. I sat on that bench for another two hours, replaying the last fourteen years of our lives together. I then stood on shaky legs and began to walk home. As I trudged down the sidewalk, I passed Haley's house. I stared at it longingly for a few seconds before I turned away, a pained expression on my face and proceeded home.

That night I lay on my bed, more memories of Haley and I together plaguing my mind. As my eyes began to droop closed, I was reminded of a quote, 'It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.' I snorted in disagreement. Well, that's bull crap. Whoever said that never met Haley James. I only wish that I couldn't have lost her.


End file.
